Shades of Reality
by I Heart Edward Cullen
Summary: KK AU. An invisible wall stood between them, they both knew it. It glared at them every time they glanced at the other, eyes shielded beneath their bangs, when they thought they weren't looking.
1. Chapter 1

**Shades of Reality**

**Chapter 1: Average**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. That is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki, and various other entities, and I profit from this is now way, shape or form. It's just entertainment, and a time waster. Get over it. Or small references to the book, I Am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak.

- - - - -

Kaoru watched people. Not in a sick or perverted way, she just simply spent much of her time taking in those around her. The mass of humanity that we swim in everyday, and yet never really take the time to fully contemplate.

Besides, what much else is there to do? Not many people cared to talk to her. But she didn't really care.

She watched the daily lunchtime parade of her high school pass in front of her face, unseen by her subjects. She had a tendency to not draw attention towards herself. She slowly gummed her sandwich with a dry mouth. The goths and preps, the emos and geeks, they all slowly walked past, intent on little other than each other and the less than appetizing smells emanating from the kitchen. Sex and drugs, fights and cars, grades and teachers, small dramas and those of the larger variety, and the occasional act of kindness. Nose piercings, straightened hair, tattoos. The dropped dollar picked up by another, the untied shoelace, backpacks, pins, jackets. Little went unnoticed by the black haired girl.

It's mind boggling, if you really take the time to think about it. Every single one of those people is another human as involved in life as you, with their own friends, families, experiences, memories, homes. Another world entirely, filled with people you may never know, all with their own worlds, all overlapping in some small way with your own as they pass you in the lunch line. There truly is an astounding amount of people on this earth, she had noted at one time. She was quite correct. A complexity of lives that would only serve to confuse you if one cared to think about it too long. However, it was a never ending source of entertainment and an attempt at self-improvement with which she tried. After all, someone had to bare witness to the million different small, yet important, things that went on every day.

Kaoru turned to the boy next to her, her comrade in taking in the daily stampede. In many things. A curtain of crimson hair shielded his face, but she knew he was avoiding her gaze. Not that it was anything new. He always did. She knew all too well the look of adoration he gave her whenever he thought she wasn't looking. But, then, he wasn't the only one with long hair.

She returned to watching the people.

- - - - -

"Kenshin?"

He looked up from his own lunch. She noticed it was PB & J. The boy met her eyes for a brief second, then looked away.

"Yes, Miss Kaoru?"

The girl glared at him. "I've told you a million times, don't call me that. It makes me sound old. We are almost the same age, after all."

The boy looked sheepishly at his sandwich. "I'm sorry, M-. I'm sorry."

She cringed. Then whacked him with her biology textbook. "Don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for." She had forgotten what she was going to ask him.

A smile appeared on his features. His only reply, a grin behind shielded eyes. The boy scratched the back of his neck in what he obviously hoped was a clueless gesture.

She crawled into his lap, wrapped her arms around his neck, the buzzing lunchroom temporarily forgotten. "Why do you feel you're so worthless?" Kaoru whispered in Kenshin's ear. He nuzzled her neck, speechless.

Returning to reality, she dumped her empty sack in the garbage and collected her backpack, Kenshin following her movements half a step behind, as always. She could feel his gaze on the back of her head.

Another average lunch. Another average day. Another average chapter in her average life.

- - - - -

Kaoru Kamiya. Nice to meet 'ya. I am the epitome of average-ness, as you may have already gathered. My motto is, "When brains fail, at least kicking whatever is that may be annoying you at least makes you feel justified in your anger, and give you a nice excuse to swear."

Everything about me is utterly unremarkable. I do not resent this fact. I'm not even reluctantly resigned to it. Sometimes it's nice to be able to simply disappear in a crowd. No one pays attention, so why should I spend more than what I need to make myself feel good on clothes? Spend more than 20 minutes on my hair during a boring morning? It certainly cuts down on grooming time. Which is not to say that I'm a slob. I just don't straighten my hair with a clothes iron for ½ an hour, before putting it up no less.

I am completely in love with a man who doesn't feel like he deserves to even meet my eyes. If I asked him to lick my feet he probably would say that his tongue is unworthy. Not that I would, but you know. I can't remember the last time I touched him and he didn't cringe.

You're probably remarking that I'm lucky to have someone that thinks so much of me. But I don't have him. And while I have my suspicions as to how he got this way, doesn't mean I totally get it. If anything, I feel unworthy of him. He is too good for this world.

Selfless. Kind. Devoted. Smart. Funny.

All added to the fact that he is the most beautiful person I have ever witnessed. A different beauty than the airbrushed models in the fashion magazines, or the angelic perfection of old paintings. While clichéd, it is an inner beauty that makes what would ordinarily be an unremarkable scrawny guy something much more.

And while you may be slightly repulsed by my blathering, I can't help but love him. And yet, he will never return my feelings. Because he is so repulsed with himself that he feels someone like him can never truly love anyone.

A hopeless case, like so many others. Absorbed in my own drama. Just like everyone else on this godforsaken planet.

I'm not rich. I'm not poor. My skin's not deathly pale, or tan, and my hair is an average shade of black. Eyes a watery blue. I dress in jeans and t-shirts, a sweatshirt when it gets cooler.

I have a few friends.

I don't play sports with school. I get only average grades. I don't cut myself, (unless it's on accident. Me and anything kitchen-related don't tend to mix well.), and I don't wear black, with the exception of my Vash night-shirt.

Starting to see the pattern?

- - - - -

The girl returns to her house, his house as well. He has lived there for quite some time.

The house is empty as usual, save for the pair of teenagers. The boy cooks dinner, much to the protests of the girl, and she resignedly trudges to the counter on the outskirts of the kitchen, puzzling out her geometry homework under his watchful eye.

Another average night.

- - - - -

**A/N: **Okie Dokie! Wowie kazowie! My first real Rurouni Kenshin fic. Wowzers. I have it all finished, and so it all falls on you good little reviewers to make sure I update on time. Question? Comment? Complaint? Compliment? Press the pretty lavender button. See! It's even a lighter shade than Kenshin's eyes! You know you want to.

And I will get back to work on Eden Awry. It's just hard going back to it after so much time off. Life got downright hellish (Eg: Barely slept for two weeks, failing projects, grades slipping busy) for awhile, but that's over and I've just procured a laptop, so I'm going to have a lot more time to write now.

If you're still reading, I'll tell you a bit about this fics birth. I had a bunch of ideas, the scene where Kaoru meets Kenshin, and the main theme of this fic, a battousai-less Kenshin. But don't let that mean that he's bland. You'll find out he's just as tortured as the untampered-with rurouni. This may put some readers off, I realize this. Please just give it a chance. Even you must realize that many writers go to quite extreme lengths to give poor Kenshin an excuse to run around whacking people with a sword in the modern day. This is meant more as a character exercise than anything. It's loosely based on my favorite book, I Am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak. Very loosely. I was originally going to do a full version with people for every card etc. etc, (Can't you see Sano as Richie- and the horrid tattoo he got when he was drunk? The obvious similarities between Kenshin and Audrey?) but decided against it, as if it got too long I would probably never finish it. And, I like the book too much to defile it with my horrid writing.

And yes, the fragment sentences are intentional. As are the brief diversions from reality and the style of imagery. A parody of Zusak's writing style. If your familiar to him, you'll also catch other small references throughout.

And, I solemnly swear, not all my author's notes will be this long. For real.


	2. Chapter 2

**Shades of Reality**

**Chapter 2: Music- Part 1**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. That is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki, and various other entities, and I profit from this is now way, shape or form. It's just entertainment, and a time waster. Get over it. Or small references to the book, I Am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak.

- - - - -

People often say that good things come in unlikely packages. Well, if you care to be picky, the term is in small packages, or to those that wait, but neither of those really fit this unfortunate situation, and neither should you care. You should simply assume the author knows what she is talking about, just like most other people she might care to deceive during the course of the day, or whatever her little brother hears on television.

However, the author is digressing and is being extremely naughty by using a self-insertion. And so, she will simply get on to the story, and Kaoru's tale of woe.

Her father hadn't been back for a month. Not that he stayed long when he did. He'd usually return late at night, sleep, and leave before she got up to go to the office. The only way she ever really knew was the rumpled sheets in his bedroom and the occasional note he'd leave on the kitchen counter.

The big house was lonely.

And she was too.

Misao decided the best remedy was a rock concert.

Really, if there was anything to drive these deep seated of troubles away, at least temporarily, this was probably about the best answer. Can you even think about _anything_ when the music is so loud that it's making your heart do funny things? And, while she didn't know it at the time, she changed her life.

But let us start at the beginning.

- - - - -

With the help of quite a few unfortunate persons and the best friend of any potential radio station contest winner, speed dial, the hyperactive girl had managed to get her hands on three tickets to Jet's upcoming concert. Of course, a few well-placed kicks to the heads of aforementioned unfortunate persons to serve as motivation had also helped matters.

It's a well known fact that one does not mess with short people.

Kaoru had been dragged bodily out of her house and into Aoshi's car, but the silence he exuded was somewhat less frosty than usual. She took this to mean that he was excited, while trying quite hard not to seem like it. Another well known fact is that no one can resist a good rock band. Even born and bred classical music connoisseurs. But he did put on a pretty good act of being dragged there by the more-than-slightly-psycho girlfriend, she was forced to grudgingly admit.

Kaoru stared blankly out the window on the ride there, while Misao chatted merrily away. It was fairly obvious that it was forced, a pitiful attempt to fill the awkward silence that threatened to overtake them all. That had been happening a lot around her lately. She wasn't feeling near charitable enough at the moment to even don her usual act of happiness to put them at ease. People tended to believe what they wanted to see, and she knew they would be much happier if she at least appeared to be enjoying herself, however feeble the act, but she reveled just a small bit in being able to control at least some small part of her life.

She was dimly aware of the crowds, waiting in line for extended periods of time and being stuffed into an official band t-shirt.

What was far more overpowering, when later recalling it, was the smell of sweat, and the screeching sounds of the opening act. And the claustrophobia. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen so many people. And in such a small space, no less. Well, that wasn't entirely true. The stadium was quite large. But there were a _lot_ of people there, and they all seemed to want to be in the same places. And she was stuck in the middle of it all, unable to even shuffle forward.

She felt the cool metal of a gun to her head. Unheard over the pandemonium, her murderer pulled the trigger. She felt the warm trickle of the blood down her neck, the warmth of the person in front of her as she slumped forward. It was so packed she could not even fall to the floor.

_That would be such a stupid way to die. No one would even know until they tried to steal my purse and the rigor mortis wouldn't let them. But, on the bright side, I might get my obituary in the odd stories section of the newspaper. Second page, with Bush's latest screw-up on my backside, the story about some cruel moron's house going up in flames after tried to set a mouse on fire to my right. At least I'd be remembered, if only by some guy from the associate press who had to type it up at the last minute as a space filler._

And people had the nerve to call her jaded! Geez.

She remembered being pulled forward, Misao's hand clutching about her wrist, Aoshi's broad back ahead as he was forced into bulldozer duty. The stage a few rows ahead, the band and their guitars, the waves of sound. Pulling out her cell phone and waving it with everyone else until Aoshi shoved a lighter into her hand. Losing all sense of self.

Kaoru regressed back to something primal. Nothing other than an extension of the mass of humanity around her, swaying together to the music, screaming and waving, bumping arms and thighs and sides, seeing nothing but the tops of heads and the bottom of the bands feet, hearing nothing but the music being pounded into every pore and bone of her body, her senses filled, her heart beating in time, she floated. She didn't think of her mother. She didn't think of her brother. She didn't think about her father. She didn't think about school, her friends, nothing. Nothing but the music. And a singular thought, _Maybe Misao was right…_ It was nice to feel that she belonged. That she truly was human, like everyone else.

Until what would become the love of her life was literally dropped into her lap.

- - - - -

_Dammit. That hurts!_ The red-head pulled himself to his feet with some difficulty, shoving a few people out of their way. The red-head then appeared to stumble through a few apologies, pulling her to her feet before cringing away. Appeared to apologize being the operative phrase. She couldn't hear anything. _My ankle's going to be sore tomorrow…Crap._ Either way, from what little she could see through the strobe and colored lights and darkness, he appeared to be blushing. _He's cute._ She gave herself a mental slap. _How can you be thinking this! It's dark, for all you know this guy could be a rapist. _She denied the fact that she felt she had no right to be happy.

Kaoru gave him an uneasy smile. He mimicked the gesture. He made no effort to try and return to wherever he had come from before he had been crowd surfing. Not that he had much choice in the matter. You didn't really have much in the way of options when it came to movement. But he confessed at a much later date that he would have stayed anyway.

Much, much later she would also dimly recall some guy groping her. And Red-head unobtrusively elbowing him in the face.

About 30 minutes into the set she became acutely aware of the fact that she was quite hungry. She couldn't remember the last time she had eaten. Lately people had had to remind her. Apparently they had forgotten today. What was strangest was that she had any appetite at all. She also couldn't recall the last time she had actually felt like doing anything but stare at the food on her plate.

It was also quite apparent that she had a splitting headache.

Somehow she forced her way outside and through the masses, collapsing outside the main gate against a metal railing. Kaoru rolled her head to the side, resting her forehead against the damp coolness of the pipe. The groaned slightly as her stomach audibly reminded her of the fact that she hadn't eaten in quite some time.

What surprised her was the small chuckle that emanated from somewhere above her, the feeling of warmth as whoever it was took a seat on the concrete next to her. Cautiously opening an eye, she noted that it was the red-head.

"Would you like a granola bar, Miss? It's kind of squished, I hope you don't mind."

- - - - -

**A/N:** Second chapter! Yeah! Rock on!

-hangs head-

Okay.

I suck.

I am a bad writer.

Do not attempt to convince me that I am not.

Okay, maybe you could. Press the pretty Kenshin-esque button. I mean, come on. The plot bunnies ravaged me after a Fall Out Boy concert I went to.

But- for all you people with decent taste in music (Eg: You do not have either Shania Twain or Ricky Martin on your iPod) wouldn't you agree that you don't get much better rock than Jet? At least, in a band that's actively releasing albums.

Oh, and if you are a particularly unobservant reader, this took place before the last chapter.

And sorry for taking so long to get this out. Finals intervened. Teachers just get so… psycho towards the end of the year. T-T


	3. Chapter 3

**Shades of Reality**

**Chapter 3: Music- Part 2**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. That is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki, and various other entities, and I profit from this is now way, shape or form. It's just entertainment, and a time waster. Get over it. Or small references to the book, I Am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak.

- - - - -

_Miss._ Now there was something she wasn't expected to be called by at a rock concert. Snapping awake, she snatched the granola bar from whoever it was, eating it in a way that could be kindly described as Neanderthal-esque. Feeding frenzy finished and feeling slightly happier, she paid some more attention to her hanger-on-er.

Bright red hair, long, pulled back in a high ponytail. A kindly pair of violet eyes, highly unusual, hiding behind his bangs. A longish scar on his cheek, stretching from the corner of his eye to nearly his mouth. A rather ill-fitting Jet t-shirt. And girl pants. _Mmm… the first guy I've seen that could actually pull them off. Bad! Bad! Punishment! Crack!_

Back on a less embarrassing track, she also noted that he must have only been a hairs-breadth taller than her. A far cry from almost every other guy she had ever met.

She tried a glare. "What, no room for a sports drink in those pants?" Red-head grinned.

"This was all Sano's fault, that it is. He's the one who forced me into them. Apparently I wouldn't be let in without a proper pair of pants." He scratched the back of his neck in a rather meek gesture.

She shrugged. "Alas, there is no beauty without pain." She gestured at her own rather small shirt. Misao had claimed that it was meant to be form fitting. Frankly, she just thought it was uncomfortable. It would have fit Yahiko.

They laughed together in whispers.

"So, what brings you here?"

He gave a non-committal shrug. "You looked hungry. And I had had just enough room to shove a Chewy-bar in my pocket next to my cell-phone, that I did. You might as well have had it as anyone, Miss." He dodged her eyes, hiding beneath his bangs.

"So, how did it happen that you ended falling onto me?" She phrased it casually, although she was still rather angry. Yet another reason to add onto her list of why she hated being short. #478-B: You can't support crowd-surfers.

"That was Sanosuke's idea too. He said that I needed to live a little. Before I even knew what was happening, I was getting carried away, his spiky head laughing in the distance." Red-head looked rather embarrassed about the whole situation. Kaoru was quite enjoying the power, in a rather maniacal-dictator way, but she reluctantly decided to let him off there.

She watched him with appreciative eyes as he let down the crimson locks for a brief moment, pulling them into another ponytail, at the nape of his neck this time.

_He's as short as me, has almost as long of hair, violet eyes, and yet he still manages to be manly. How the heck does that work?_

She felt her eyes rake across the vicious scar carved into his cheek. She longed to trace it, feel the imperfection under her fingertips in contrast to his smooth skin. _Where did that come from?_

They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity, letting the cool night air and distant snatches of the melancholy "Look What You've Done" buoy them as they floated in their own thoughts.

Red-head eventually broke the silence. "I take it that some overly hopeful friend drug you here as well, Miss?"

Kaoru smiled. "Yeah."

It seemed like they talked for hours, watching the crowd slowly thin and disappear into their cars, dragging merchandise and their tiredness behind them with heavy arms, studded belts glinting in the darkness.

They went to the same school, him a senior, her a junior. Both thought that Adrien Brody was a highly underrated actor. Both had friends that were entirely too involved in their lives. Loved cotton candy. Read too much than was necessarily good for them. A thousand shared interests and experiences and jokes. She felt like she had known him for ages.

But one thing would later stand out in particular when she looked back.

"So, what's your family like?"

"…Nothing special." He grinned.

It cracked, bleeding, painful, empty. The stained tendrils dripped down his neck, his eyes wept. The gleaming smile glinted in the darkness, a bright color painted over whatever lurked beneath. Only the beginning of the wall he had built for himself.

- - - - -

She never did find out his name. That came later.

- - - - -

What she did find out was that the infamous Sanosuke was in her English class. It's rather strange how you can spend an hour a day in a person's company for months on end, and yet you never quite register that they actually are present. Stranger still, Sano was not exactly what you might call a quiet, easily ignored person. His favorite activity, when he decided to actually show up to class, was to prove the unfortunate teachers total incompetence. He was far from stupid. He just didn't care. He was the same age as Red-head, a senior, but he had been held back due to attendance issues. He spent most of his class time haunting the grounds, or the gym, much to his teacher's dismay.

Somewhat of a vigilante, if someone was outright nasty he usually tracked them down by the end of the day. The guy who slapped his girlfriend, who cheated his friends, or was simply unforgivably annoying and cruel. Most went home with a black eye if they were lucky. The smart ones learned their lesson. The dumb ones might have their nose broken. As a result, he was fairly popular, even if he could care less about what others thought.

They hit it off fairly quickly. He haunted her table and stole her food (without an excessive amount of complaints on her part, in comparison), she gave him a friend that put up a good argument, and if fists were called for (which they occasionally were, whether an argument between them, or him and some other student) she could hold her own surprisingly well, which garnered quite a bit of respect from the rouge. The majority of people simply took him at face value, accepting whatever he said as true due to his unasked for status. For someone as argumentative as him, this was vastly unsatisfying. And Kaoru didn't complain when he came in all sweaty after skipping class to go work out. It worked. A simple friendship, based upon similar values. He took to calling her Little Missy with some degree of affection.

A few weeks went by. She finally got up the courage to ask him about Red-head.

"…Sano?"

"Mmmph?" He mumbled, through a mouthful of her sandwich. For reasons known only to him, he never bought his own food. Kaoru resigned herself as it being yet another of his idiosyncrasies, and simply bought an extra lunch every day.

"Did you go to that Jet concert awhile back?"

He nodded, and attempted to speak, succeeding only in spraying crumbs about the entire table.

"I'll wait."

Several long seconds passed while he chewed impatiently. Sticking out his tongue to prove that he had finished, he gave her an answer. "Yeah, it was pretty sweet. Took Kenshin along too. Disappeared part way through though…"

Her breath caught in her throat.

"Kenshin…?"

"Kenshin Himura. Just met the guy a while back. I think he just started here this year…"

"Huh." She let the subject drop. Best not to appear desperate. Or overly interested. Not that she was looking or anything…

- - - - -

"Missy was asking around 'bout you today. Wouldna' have caught it, if I wasn't so used to you dancing around whatever we're talking about."

Round 2. Also known as 2nd lunch. Another friend. More free food. Sure beat the hell out of history. And they tried to tell you skipping class was a **_bad_** thing.

Kenshin gave him a rather puzzled look around his cold pizza. _My luck. I get a weird lunch because of that stupid US history mid-term, and Sano's eating my food. What the hell is he talking about? Who's 'Missy'? _They stared at one another for a few minutes until Sano finally realized what his friend was getting at.

"Kaoru. Kamiya. Black hair, rather short, junior. Ring any bells?"

Why, yes, in fact. It did.

- - - - -

A young man stood outside her window that night. Shadows engulfed his crimson hair, playing tricks with his eyes, nearly luminescent in the darkness. A pale face glowing in contrast to the shadows, uninterrupted save for the scar carved into his cheek.

He brought nothing with him. Hands fidgeting nervously in his jeans pockets, jangling his keys of their own accord. Dry mouth. Empty, empty, empty.

His head ached. His legs ached. His shoulder ached. His heart ached.

He simply stood. One with the shadows. Listening to distant strains of music and the dancing silhouette in the window above him, ponytail swinging behind it. Holding a hairbrush like a microphone. And after the song ended, distant sobs, shattering the silence like so many pieces of broken dreams. It's pieces glittered in the street.

He turned and walked home. They crunched beneath his feet. He winced.

Empty, empty, empty.

- - - - -

**A/N:** I like this chapter considerably better than the last. For those of you enlightened beings that have read the works of Markus Zusak (particularly I Am the Messenger) please tell me if I have disgraced his style too badly.

I was kind of focusing on imagery. Picture this as a silent movie almost, instead of people strung together by dialog.

And a big thanks to **xI'll Cover Youx, gabyhyatt, ItachiMer, & Reignnasii **for reviewing my first chapter! As well as to for the second.


	4. Chapter 4

**Shades of Reality**

**Chapter 4 : Fragile**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. That is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki, and various other entities, and I profit from this is now way, shape or form. It's just entertainment, and a time waster. Get over it. Or small references to the book, I Am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak.

- - - - -

Kaoru looked up his address in the phone book, now that she had a last name to go on. She glared disdainfully at the copy of "The Pianist" sitting on the table beside her. Her hands were getting sweat all over it, fingerprints shining under the lamp. A feeble cover if there ever was one. _Red- he- Kenshin is never going to buy me saying I just had an extra copy lying around…_

Hell, she didn't buy it herself. Even if it was true.

She picked up the phone once, twice, three times.

Kaoru finally decided on walking there. She could use the exercise.

Saying goodbye to the empty house as usual, her dead mother, the father that was never there, the little brother a state away with her aunt (who had gotten complete custody), she left.

She let her feet carry her. Block after block. Street after street.

It gradually got slummier. The graffiti increased. She could feel the leers. She kept walking. An automaton.

- - - - -

Her feet eventually carried her to her destination. 37 Himmel street. _By what definition of heaven?_ It was a small houseish-apartment looking place, without a front yard, tossed between two larger complexes. The sidewalk was cracked in eclectic spider webs, weeds growing through the splits. As opportunistic as any human. The house ached, sagging, moaning. Old. Tired. Beaten.

A battered car rested out front, messily parked on the shoulder of the street, rusting slowly away while its owner abused it.

Her courage failed her. She retreated to the alleyway. Go hide. Retreat. As usual.

She was such a coward. She disgusted herself.

- - - - -

Kaoru collapsed, letting the shadows envelop her. A comforting, unjudgemental black. She allowed her eyes to shut, the gloom complete. She shivered slightly in the cool damp. It smelled of mold and fungus. Garbage. Rot.

_I'm never going to be able to do this… what was I thinking? What would **I** say if some relative stranger suddenly showed up on my doorstep with a DVD? Probably, "Get the hell off my lawn."_ There was no point in procrastinating. She might as well go home. At least she had gotten a nice walk out of it.

She opened her eyes. Onto a corpse.

- - - - -

Kaoru gave herself a small theoretical pat on the back for not totally losing it right there. She didn't move, didn't breathe. Time slowed down, oozing past the girl, taking it's sweet, well, time.

She watched the corpse's chest rise and fall minutely.

Ah. So maybe it wasn't a corpse. Insert cease of holding breath here.

She crawled part way across the alley. She didn't trust her legs to support her. "Umm… are you alright…?" She reached a tentative hand towards the comatose figure.

The body shifted minutely. The head lifted, as though the weight of the whole world was upon its shoulders. A pair of violet eyes stared into her soul. She shook, drowning in the infinite sadness. The misery. Falling into those violet pools. Dieing a violent violet death, slowly, slowly…

And the face covered in blood surrounding them.

"…M-Miss…K-K-Kaoru…?"

And just as abruptly, it was gone. She resurfaced. Just her, the alleyway, the garbage dumpster, and some boy she had met at a concert, giving her a crimson smile.

She wrapped her arms around him. She didn't know why. She just did. "What happened?" She whispered.

He cringed away, scuttling to the edge of the sunlight, shying away from the brightness, a discarded, broken toy of some higher power.

"…Kenshin…"

Fragile.

- - - - -

She remembered half-dragging him to her house. His silence. Bandaging the new slice bisecting his existing scar. Wiping the blood away. The fear in those violet eyes. The way he flinched every time she touched him, even for a moment.

- - - - -

That was over a year ago. He had been living in the room down the hall ever since. Her father didn't care. He was never there anyway.

They spent their days in one another's company, both shooting one another glances under their long bangs when they thought the other was not looking. A perfect irony. Watching people. And each other.

She spent her nights making insane plans to fix that empty smile, to make him realize just what a kind person he was, how much he meant to her. Dreaming of a happy future, without dead people (and those that might as well be) haunting her, where one could live out their life in peaceful days, with little red-haired children running about with grins on their faces. A smile filled with something besides pain.

He spent his outside her door. Contenting himself with listening to her slow breathing. It was all he could ever hope for. He was not worthy. A truth drilled into his skull for as long as he could remember. And they were absolutely right. He was not worthy of this beautiful girl, who opened her home to him, rescued him, stayed. She deserved so much better than one as damaged, tarnished, worthless, as he.

- - - - -

"Kenshin, tell me about your past. …Please?"

"Oh, Miss Kaoru, this one's past is quite boring. Surely yours in much more interesting. Where did you grow up?"

- - - - -

Another night alone, just the two of them.

"I'll cook dinner."

She was ignored.

The Ignorer was summarily hit upside the head for his insolence.

He collapsed onto the floor, swirly-eyed and "Oro"-ing dramatically. "Give me a break. What the heck does, 'oro' mean anyway? You say it all the time. I think I'm entitled to an explanation."

He gave a playful grin. Not near as empty as usual. Her heart fluttered. "That is for me to know and you never to find out… that it is, Miss Kaoru."

"You added that on just to annoy me, didn't you? Fess up, or I shall take a hammer to the washing machine."

He only hummed slightly, stirring the wagon-wheel noodles, making a valiant attempt to control the look of horror on his face. _But! I like doing the laundry! _

She didn't really expect an answer anyway. Making a face, she settled herself at the counter disgruntledly, eyeing her history homework with distaste. _Set the lasagna on fire** once** and you get persecuted for it until the end of bloody time…_

"Kenshin, when did William the Conqueror conquer England?"

"BATTLE OF HASTINGS, 1066!" He shouted, waving his wooden spoon for emphasis, water flicking off every which way. "Really, Miss Kaoru, how could you forget that? Mr. Page made us chant it for a full minute, that he did."

"Yeah, but I just wanted to hear it one more time. From you."

- - - - -

He felt so happy around this girl. Really, he shouldn't. One such as him should not feel happy.

And yet, as he watched her sip her milk, lick her creamy mustache away, he wanted nothing better than to be that glass.

He returned to stirring what were to become buttered noodles. With garlic, and parmesan.

Nah. That was too plain.

Mizthra.

Yeah. That was just the ticket, that it was. Kenshin gave an inward grin. She was right about one thing. The extra "that's" _were_ just to tease her. But he could never leave the Miss.

- - - - -

"No… Daddy… Daddy… pleasestoppleasestopdaddydaddydaddystoppleasestop… stop… stop… it hurts…" The pleas subsided into sobs, then silence.

"No." The reply was simple, concise.

Why should he? He was worthless. He deserved it. Punishment. For being him.

- - - - -

They watched "The Pianist" together. She sobbed into his shoulder.

Humanity was cruel.

Few knew it better than those two.

Neglect, violence, death.

And far worse. Those left behind.

- - - - -

**A/N:** Aha! I finally get around to something resembling a plot! The battousai-less Kenshin is explained… Keh heh heh. I really hope you guys keep an open mind concerning him. I love Battousai as much as the next person –drools- but I think that people really go to outlandish lengths sometimes to make him fit in an AU story. Any thoughts?

Adrian Brody rocks my socks.

And a shout out to all my reviewers! **Reignashii, ItachiMer, gabyhyatt, xI'll Cover Youx, LilBrokenDolly, Silent Tears of Agony, luvHaru7, missy-oa, bbzacharia, Lasairfhionia, & ChildlikeEmpress! I love you all dearly! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Shades of Reality**

**Chapter 5: The Girl**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. That is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki, and various other entities, and I profit from this is now way, shape or form. It's just entertainment, and a time waster. Get over it. Or small references to the book, I Am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak.

- - - - -

Her childhood had been a happy one. Kaoru's family loved her. She had known nothing less. Her father was gone sometimes. But he always came back with a hug and some small present.

A small pen, that when you pressed a button it folded in onto itself.

A seashell. All creamy colored curves and smelling of salt. She had never seen the ocean.

A photograph, of an older lady sitting upon a park bench, watching the small bird in the tree beside her.

She kept them all in a shoebox beneath her bed.

Sometimes she still took it out and looked at them.

- - - - -

But it got lonely sometimes in that big old house with just her and her mother. She wanted a sibling. Kaoru asked her mother for one one day. Her reply was a simple laugh.

They had gone to the park that afternoon. Her mother wove a headband out of clover flowers for her to wear. It had been fairly frightening when an ant had crawled out of it while she was proudly displaying her new accessory, but once mother had chased it off she kept it on anyway.

- - - - -

Her mother died giving birth to the sibling she had always craved. A little brother, with hair as black as her own. Upon later recall the large words the doctors had said made much more sense.

Her brother was positioned incorrectly. Her mother had a history of heart trouble. When they finally decided she needed a cesarean section, it was too late. Her heart simply stopped on the operating table.

Her aunt adopted her brother. Her father remarried. To his job. He had no time. For Yahiko, or her.

She was accustomed to it now. The silence. The loneliness. The isolation. Kaoru had no regrets, as she could not have done anything to change the way things had played out. It had been this way for a long time.

She came home from school. Tidied up the house. Finished her homework. Made dinner. Tried not to burn the house down.

Sometimes, she would just walk into town. Sit in the park, or in front of one of the stores.

And watch humanity pass her by.

And wondered if anyone wondered about her in turn. Their lives, their families, their pasts, their hopes, their dreams. And if this brief brush between their two worlds had changed anything. If she could make a difference.

If she even mattered.

She would stare at the ceiling above her bed at night, watching the headlights of cars stream through her blinds and upon the stucco above her, listening for anyone coming into the house. She welcomed them. At least it would be a change.

The world is a fickle place. Or random chance and luck. Occasionally favoring those that do not deserve it, and ceaselessly punishing those that do.

- - - - -

Now the red-haired boy and the black-haired girl both laid in their respective rooms, on opposite ends of the long dim hallway, the shadows slinking like cats along the wood paneled floor. Both minutely examined the cracks in the ceiling. Their thoughts on the other. And fate.

- - - - -

**A/N:** A short chapter. After all, Kaoru needed an explanation for her past as well. Forgive me. The next one is normal length.

Much love for all those who like hitting the button that is vaguely the same color as Kenshin's eyes! **Reignashii, ItachiMer, gabyhyatt, xI'll Cover Youx, **among others. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

And I really don't have a good enough excuse for not updating in so long. Suffice to say, I am very very sorry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Shades of Reality**

**Chapter 6: The Boy**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. That is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki, and various other entities, and I profit from this is now way, shape or form. It's just entertainment, and a time waster. Get over it. Or small references to the book, I Am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak.

- - - - -

I remember the first time I saw her. Despite being in as filthy of a place as the floor of a rock concert, surrounded by sweating bodies, she was breathtaking. And this unworthy one was sitting on her.

The next time Sanosuke suggested that I needed to cheer up, he was getting punched. Surprising, since I don't really like to think of myself as a violent person. I have seen enough. I have no need to add to it.

But hey, shouldn't I be thanking him? In some backwards way he introduced me to one of only two people that have ever shown me any kindness. I don't deserve such friends as them.

I can hear him saying that she was wondering about me. Perhaps I hadn't sounded as foolish as I had thought that fateful night?

I can see her house, her silhouette, the sobs shaking her body.

I smell the salt of her tears.

I can feel her soft breathing shake my being from the other side of the door. The panels of her door pressing into my back. The night.

I can only imagine what she might taste like.

I know her.

She is Kaoru. She is my savior. And she deserves so much better than I.

- - - - -

Kenshin was one of the unfortunate people who had fallen through the cracks of society. Yes, you might say there are resources for people such as him, but the fact remains that he was far from the only one. He didn't make a fuss or complain about the burden placed upon him, and thus he wasn't helped. He considered it his duty, the honorable thing to do, and so he toiled on day by day, getting nowhere as his scars only increased. He told no one. Shut himself off.

He was found on the streets at age eight by an aging business man on his way home from work. Clutching a still warm kitten in his filthy arms. Kenshin could remember nothing before then, save the feeling of the small body next to his chest and the wrinkled face above.

"Mister, why did she have to die?"

The man looked down on the child. He had no time for such things. He took the kitten from the boy and placed it in the dumpster while he wasn't looking, then drove him to the Social Services office. The man stood in the freezing and unforgiving room, imagining icicles forming on the edge of the reception desk, while the boy clung to his pants leg, wiping his tears on his torn sleeves.

The man left. The boy stayed. He eventually left too, in the company of another man.

The boy was forced to call the second man father. The man took the boy to school, and fed him. But the man also drank, and he was not very kind then.

He remembered the first time. The man cut his cheek. He said that he was trash. He was being punished.

The boy didn't know what he had done wrong, because the man said this all the time. Eventually the boy figured out that it was him that was wrong. There was something bad about himself.

The boy lied about the bruises. He said whatever the man told him too. He crashed his bike. He tripped. He fell off the monkey bars.

The boy grew up. He also grew silent, preferring his own company. He learned to smile through the pain. It threw people off. They asked fewer questions that way, and he didn't like to outright lie.

Eventually, somehow, he made a friend. He didn't want to. But the guy wouldn't leave him alone. He thought it was a hassle, dangerous, but a small part of him was happy. For once moving to a new school wasn't a bad thing. The old one would start asking questions, and then he would have to change again. It had happened many times. The friend's name was Sanosuke. Sometimes he would spend the night at his house, just to be away for awhile. Even if it meant a more severe beating when he returned for shirking his chores.

He suspected Sanosuke knew what was going on. But Sano never said anything, just joked about some new girl or stole someone's food. Tried to get a laugh. Argued. He never brought either of their home lives up. Neither of them could do anything about it. He was smarter than he might first appear, his friend. The boy privately entertained the thought that his friend started beating up people because he could not do anything for him. But why would he want to do anything for him? He was worthless. He deserved the pain. He knew it as well as he knew himself. A fact drilled into his head for nearly as long as he could remember, supplemented by years of blows.

One day, Sanosuke said that he had won two tickets to a concert. He forced the boy to wear strange clothes, and they traveled farther than the boy had ever gone. The man had never taken him anywhere.

There he met the beautiful girl.

Who later asked Sanosuke about him.

The boy came to school the next day. He was limping, and had a black eye. He claimed he was in a car crash.

Sanosuke knew better. What he should've known was that this would happen. He cursed his stupidity. This was the final straw.

Sano followed him home that day, confronted the man. The man denied everything, and chased him out. Even Sano couldn't argue with a pistol. He watched helpless as the door shut. He didn't like the thought of the boy in there with the gun. But he could do nothing.

He loathed being this helpless. Sano walked home, praying for the first time in his life that his friend would be at school tomorrow.

It was the worse beating the boy had even gotten. He had violated the rule. Do Not Tell Anyone. Do Not Let Anyone Find Out. The man cut his face again. He crawled to the alleyway, listening to the man's threats of murder. They didn't scare him much anymore.

It faded into black. Then, the words. "Umm… Are you alright…?"

It was the first time anyone had ever asked him.

- - - - -

My savior. But, why, …**_why_** did one such as me deserve to be saved?

If I had known one thing my entire life, it is that I am unworthy.

And so I sit outside Miss Kaoru's door, listening to the old grandfather clock chime out 1:00 and attempting to become one with the shadows once more. Thinking about the girl. About me. About the space in between us. The invisible wall that we both know is there. That we long to get over. And yet, neither of us knows how to build a ladder to scale it.

I return to my bed.

- - - - -

And Kaoru climbed out of her own. She padded down the hall; mind detached from her bodies rebellious movements. Her hand turned the knob of Kenshin's door. Eyes made out the hazy form in his bed, bathed in moonlight, chest slowly rising and falling. His hair, spread chaotically over his pillow, the red in stark contrast to the strict white of the linen.

Hands stroke his cheek softly, feeling the roughness of the lesson carved into his otherwise flawless face. He didn't flinch.

Mouth says, "I just want to understand you…"

Words murmured to the darkness, and the sleeping boy, whose troubles are seemingly alleviated for a time. Regressed back to a time when he still trusted that the world would take care of him.

- - - - -

_She just… wants to understand me…?_

- - - - -

**A/N:** The past is revealed! DUN DUN DUN!!! Ah, cut the melodrama.

Is this original? It really concerns me. Is it realistic? Are people in character? Believable? I want this to be writing, not simply fanfiction.

Huggles for all those who have taken the time to give me some feedback! **Reignashii, ItachiMer, gabyhyatt, xI'll Cover Youx, **


	7. Chapter 7

**Shades of Reality**

**Chapter 7: Pretend**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. That is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki, and various other entities, and I profit from this is now way, shape or form. It's just entertainment, and a time waster. Get over it. Or small references to the book, I Am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak.

- - - - -

Both pretended nothing had happened the next day. Their usual game.

Kenshin didn't want her to know he had been awake.

And Kaoru was deathly afraid that he had been.

It was Kenshin who suggested that they go for a walk after school.

- - - - -

They didn't talk much, at least in the beginning. Simply going wherever their feet took them. He joked that it was like using a divining rod. She smiled and said she wasn't all that thirsty at the moment, and gave him an affectionate whack upside the head. Normal. At least as normal got for them.

They both ordered milkshakes at a drive thru. She got strawberry, and joked it matched his hair, grinning wickedly. The bored teenager working the cashier insisted that they were out of blackberry, which Kaoru insisted was actually purple. He reluctantly ordered licorice, gagging down a first slurp while she laughed hysterically, and thereafter contenting himself with watching her imitate a skull until she insisted he get a second straw.

It was so clichéd. But hey. He always had liked strawberry milkshakes. And he was rather thirsty…

A grandmother type lady smiled at them as they walked out, and the waitress winked.

It was almost like they were a couple. It was nice at least to pretend. The most he could ever hope for.

Kenshin imagined what her hand must feel like. The silky skin. The callus on her ring finger from the weird way she held her pencil. The lines in her palm. The bit of baggy skin over her knuckles. Kaoru always said that she hated her hands, that they were short and stocky and lamented at how she could never really stop chewing her fingernails. Personally, he thought they were the most perfect hands he had ever seen. Everything about her was perfect.

Their feet took them to a park. _One cliché after another today… it's like I stepped out a movie… or a badly written fanfiction..._

They stumbled upon a boy sobbing on one of the benches. Apparently he couldn't find his dad. Kenshin smiled at him, gave him a piggy back ride and bought them all ice cream cones from the vendor. Kaoru bumped his cone a bit, so he got it all over his nose. He attempted to see how long his tongue reached when he could stop laughing, and she tenderly wiped the rest off with her sleeve.

They sat with the boy at the playground until his father showed up, who thanked them profusely, and they watched together as they walked off.

They sat together on the swings for awhile in silence, kicking up woodchips and rattling chains until they had a spinning contest, slumping against one another until the world righted itself.

Kenshin almost punched some guy leering at Kaoru.

They pointed out what few constellations each one knew, then patching together new ones and thinking of bizarre names for them.

They got home late, and bid one another an affectionate goodnight.

A pretend date. A pretend couple. Pretending was nice sometimes.

- - - - -

**A/N:** Another short chapter. I added this after the story was originally fleshed out, because I wanted to define their current relationship a bit more. Sue me. –shrugs-

I don't mean that intentionally, of course. I shouldn't need to have to contact a lawyer to write a disclaimer for something that shouldn't have to be said in the first place. After all, it is _fan_fiction.

These people are on the l337 list for all eternity, and will umm… -struggles to think of fortune cookie fortune- will hopefully not get mown down by some truck driver this week! **Reignashii, ItachiMer, gabyhyatt, xI'll Cover Youx, **


	8. Chapter 8

**Shades of Reality**

**Chapter 8: Father**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. That is the property of Nobuhiro Watsuki, and various other entities, and I profit from this is now way, shape or form. It's just entertainment, and a time waster. Get over it. Or small references to the book, I Am the Messenger, by Markus Zusak.

- - - - -

Kaoru didn't sleep much that night. Lying awake, sometime near dawn, she heard her father walk in.

She couldn't remember the last time she had had an actual conversation with him.

It hurt.

She abandoned her bed once more, following the broad back to the kitchen.

"…Daddy?" The word tasted like rust in her mouth. He turned.

"Yes, dear?" He returned to hanging his suit up in the coat closet.

"I love you."

He said nothing. Did not turn.

She returned to her bedroom. Leaving pieces of her in a trail behind her dragging feet. Closed the door. Broke. Quietly.

- - - - -

"Miss Kaoru? Breakfast is ready, that it is. Come and eat. I made waffles… I know they are your favorite." Kenshin knocked at the door hesitantly. It wasn't like her to wake up late. Yes, she loathed getting up early, but it was her routine.

"… Miss Kaoru?" No response. "I'm coming in." He pushed the door open.

She laid upon the bed, unmoving. A tendril of fear wrapped around his heart. "Miss Kaoru?!" He rushed to her bedside, turning her face to look at his own. A pair of dull eyes looked back at him.

"He never loved me." Her vibrant, bouncy voice, reduced to a monotone. "Mother loved me. But she left… now I'm all alone… no one cares." It was stated with bleak resignation. She turned to face the wall.

He pulled her into his lap, cradling her head, smoothing her hair. "That's not true. You know it isn't-"

Her eyes brightened at his words, the tender gesture.

"-Miss Kaoru."

And dimmed once more.

- - - - -

Breakfast was a silent affair. As was school. Both made their way throughout their respective days with an apathetic stillness. Far from their usual comfortable lack of chatter. That stemmed from a mutual understanding. This was nothing but frigid confusion.

Sano was no where to be seen. They needed outside intervention, someone that they at least had to feign normalcy for. Apparently he had some new girlfriend, Megumi. Kenshin was happy for the guy, to finally find someone that could keep up with him, but he would have rather had him there today.

She didn't watch people. She stared listlessly at her food all lunch long, before throwing it untouched in the garbage.

She didn't whack a single person all day long.

Eating nervousness, he broke the silence. "Miss Kaoru… I just want to understand..." He quoted her, taking a risk.

She regarded him with unseeing eyes. "How can you ever hope to understand me when you won't even call me by my name?"

He felt like he had been punched in the stomach.

- - - - -

She left school during 4th period.

He would have left himself right then and there, but no one thought to tell him. Neither him nor Sano had any classes with her in the latter half of the day.

He arrived home to see her now sitting on the couch unmoving, clutching a business card. He gently removed it from her frozen hands, taking a seat himself.

_Clapman's Funeral Home_

_317 Followell St. _

_(555) 378-5623_

"Father died in a car crash this afternoon. Aunt Omasu is making all the arrangements. There's a funeral next week."

- - - - -

Watching people once more. Black suit after black dress after black veil after black hat after shiny black shoes. A somber procession in place of the usual one. He swore that irony would be the death of him.

The tension was palpable. The discomfort tangible.

People were here to keep up appearances. Nothing more.

Kaoru recognized next to no one. Her five year old brother held her hand. Peering up at her from under his spiky black head Yahiko whispered, "Busu," and giggled to himself.

_He never knew father. And he's only five. What can you expect? I don't think I ever knew father myself._

Kenshin stood beside her in his rented suit. He looked at her full on for once, making no attempt to hide. His eyes said, _Trust me. _

She let him take her other hand. He squeezed it gently. She wanted to slap him. _You act like you care. But you don't. You never say my name. You never make a move. I don't want your pity. …I don't want to be hurt again._

But she didn't say it. Until they got home.

- - - - -

"I don't want your pity."

"What?" He looked up from the condolence cards he was slowly cutting up. That order had been the only other thing she had said to him all night.

"I said, I don't want your pity." Despite his utter confusion, a small traitorous part of his mind observed that that was fairly obvious, as he stared at the very small pieces of various flowery cards strewn about the table below him.

"Miss Kaoru, what do you mean?"

She shot him a look. "I know you don't care about me. Don't try and deny it. I don't mind. I just want you to admit it." _He looks so damn innocent… dammit._

Kenshin's features softened. "Miss Kaoru… I do care."

"Prove it. You never call me by my name. You don't trust me. You won't tell me about your past. Why should I believe you?" The anger was clear in her voice, despite the tears running down her face, slumped against the doorway.

He took one step, two. His arm hesitantly raised towards her shaking form. Dragging the weight of his past behind him. "I'm… unworthy… of you."

"You've said that before." She spat it at his feet, the words caustic, the acid seeping through his shoes, stinging. "How are you unworthy? You're kind… and giving… and noble… I have nothing like that to offer. I'm just a plain, ordinary, damn average girl. Why do you keep saying that?! Why?! ** _Why?!_**"

"Because it's true. Because… I love you. Because I could never give you what you deserve. Because I am none of those things. Because I couldn't even take care of myself. Because I'm poor. Because I do nothing but take from you. Because I am little but a fool. That's why. The plain truth."

The foot between them, the few tiles of checkered linoleum seemed like an eternity stretching off into the distance.

"Why won't you tell me about your past?"

"Because I don't want your pity either."

"Say my name." It was a challenge.

"Kaoru." He took it.

She fell into his arms, sobbing into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, and they both sunk to the floor. Collapsing. The wall fell down around them, littering the kitchen floor. They paid it no heed.

"Kaoru… I always cared." He murmured into her ear, stroking her hair.

"I loved you… from the first moment I saw you..." She whispered into his faded red pajamas.

"And I you… Kaoru."

Two broken humans. Healing. Alone, save for the other. They both finally realized that whatever came before didn't matter. Just now. And them.

- - - - -

Dawn break found them on the couch, Kaoru drooling slightly onto the aged red flannel of Kenshin's nightshirt, his head tucked into her mussed hair, the outline of her ponytail holder imprinted onto his chin.

They both thought the other had never looked so beautiful.

- - - - -

They didn't watch people anymore at lunchtime. They watched each other.

People wondered about them.

_Do I know that girl? I think I do…_

_Who is that guy? He looks familiar. Have I met him before?_

_Why does he have that scar? That must have hurt._

_Is that the girl who's dad died in that crash down on the highway? I was stuck in traffic for **hours** after that…_

_Where did they meet?_

_They sure do look happy…_

And it comes full circle.

**END.**

- - - - -

**A/N:** LAST CHAPTER!!! –dances- I hope you all enjoyed the ride, and didn't find this a complete waste of your time.

I solemnly hope this didn't turn out to simply be one big cliché. It is my dearest wish.

AND A HUGE THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS! YOU PEOPLE ROCK MY SOCKS AND MAKE ALL WRITERS WORLD'S GO ROUND!!! **Reignashii, ItachiMer, gabyhyatt, xI'll Cover Youx, _YOU PEOPLE ARE AWESOME!_**


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